a. less than 1 cigarette per day b. Thanks for your advice, now **** off. Send a text message to your phone number but increase the last digit by one (your text friend.). She is also a great leader, and I admire her for that. 8. Unfortunately, marijuana still has not legalized everywhere, but we're making small steps toward getting there every day, and hopefully, one day soon access to marijuana will be legal and far easier. Obama Yea I Smoke Blunts Funny Image. 13. Now that Ive got your attention, have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior? Living the dream. What is a flame throwers favorite movie. "Sorry mate, I don't smoke." I will be clearing out a few places for you but, A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. 19. "What size would you like?" You'll have to step outside to smoke." That is where most accidents happen. Seems like you have something to brag about. A truly stinging sarcastic response to I love you. Later, when he sees an older priest puffing on a cigarette while praying, the younger priest scolded him, You shouldn't be smoking while praying! By 8:00 a.m. Iiames sent the daily Smoke Outlook to the ICT, the California Air Resource Board, state and regional partners, then posted online for public access on EPA's AirNow website. "* Cant complain. Thats a nice story and all, but in what chapter do you shut the f*ck up? 10. Man : The Ferrari parked there, is it yours? That's odd, the old priest replied. You set my heart on fire. "* He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. Beatrice pulls a condom out of her pocketbook and puts it over then end of her cigarette. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!" I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one. [removed] I can't wait to reach that moment. I don't drink, i smoke very rarely, i don't stare at girls, i go to sleep early, i wake up early and I work hard everyday. Tractors. A Everyone Media Group company. Am I Really? The next year, the hunter brings a bear gun, sees the very same bear, takes dead aim and fires. Breathe. A monocle walks into a bar. 29. Angelina Jolie looks effortlessly . Why don't you check eBay and see if they have a life for sale? Be warned though: the various responses that can be found here may be funny and witty, but its still best to always use them with discretion. 9. Watch popular content from the following creators: just.that.one.human(@just.that.one.human), Random stuff(@urgirlclem), Hoi(@itsyaboieli123), jlo(@jenny.bronxbaby), E(@random_tips1311), Charly Rich(@charlespoke), xo.girlyvibez(@xo.girlyvibez . Ok. ( This simple expression embodies the fact that you don't give a f*ck!) I have more than I can spend, it's a difficult problem to have. JustAnotherAviatrix 28 days ago. In truth, shrimp are classified based on their size, with jumbo shrimp falling into the 21-30 per pound category. People like you are the reason Im on medication. The problem is my refrigerator is full of them. Fire away! Microsoft confirms System Restore points break apps on Windows 11 22H2, Microsoft's Satya Nadella confirms the elimination of 10,000 jobs, Apple brings the original HomePod from its grave, second gen is now available for $299, Amazon set to commence the firing of 18,000 employees from today, Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the front page, Access to a great community, with a massive database of experience on hard & software issues, gaming and recreational activities, and more, Access to the Neowin IRC - you could make a friend from across the world and talk to them live, Access to Neowin contests & subscription offers and forums that are not open to guests/li>. I know but it makes me look cool in front of the other kids. - Oh no, my body is a temple "I prefer to put fried chicken in my mouth instead of a soggy cigarette". What happens when wildfire tells you a joke? "Hey, what happened to the smoke shop that used to be next door? "You would have been 28 by now. What's wrong with you? 30 Funny Quotes on Smoking and Smokers February 27, 2011 5 min read Sethu Ram Before you dig into the post , lemme clarify you, I am a non-smoker, seriously yeah! You get a bag of weed. My lawyer told me not to answer that question. Hey, hot stuff! This one works because it references something just about everyone can relate to. Im trying my absolute hardest to see things from your perspective, but I just cant get my head that far up my ass. These are just a few of the many compliments people give one another on a daily basis. You saw me rocking out and wanted to know what music I was listening too? but then i saw a sign that said "keep off the grass" and felt judged. Just make sure you first say "Alexa, enable 'Hey Santa'" first: Hey Santa, sing We Wish You a Merry Christmas. Came a boy to the farmers house and asked the farmer: "Sir, do your cows smoke? Id slap you, but that would be animal abuse. It's work. Seriously, he's been teetotal for months now. Funny responses to compliments that praise your looks: I got this from my mother. * I was the best teacher ever. 9. Who sent you to check how I am doing, Tell me. Hey Santa, tell me the North Pole news. What are you if you smoke marijuana and masturbate at the same time? He kills time walking around the mall, does some window shopping, buys an ice cream cone, etc. 11. 25. Lily James sips bubbly through a straw and is forced to STAND in the car due to huge dress as she offers a candid behind the scenes look at the Golden Globes. 5. Had a lot of family over and the wife prepared the meal. I think smoking isn't a bad habit until its under your control. he boomed. I want my wheelbarrow back!, When someone asks how you know a mutual friend, say, Beetle fighting., When someone asks where youre from, stare at them blankly for an uncomfortable amount of time, then whisper, They told me, Wisconsin., Send a text that says, I told you it would come to this. 11. That sounds weird coming from you. Use contraceptives kids. If they are rolling their eyes on you, say: "Yeah, keep rolling your eyes. 5. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Thats because fire is something that happens or is an outcome of wood, paper, or other resources (the thing) becoming hot and releasing vapors. He says you died a little too soon. Please enter your username or email address to reset your password. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm. Ive slipped into the 7th circle of hell, and you? Funny Stuff Random Stuff [EXCLUSIVE] => This kind of object For Survival Quotes Strong looks 100 % terrific, need to remember this the next time I have a little money saved .BTW talking about money. The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream.". Nirvana. Reply. I almost gave a f*ck. Theres nothing wrong with that. Basically, fire is awesome. A priest was tidying up his church after a sermon, when a man comes in. not really funny, but has a point. Leon says: August 11, 2014 at 1:24 am. I understand what you're saying, but if I agreed with you, then we'd both be wrong. Plus, its worth noting that not all fires are bad. "I wish to return to my old life!" Old Smoker Funny Picture. - Never, only water. Because you got straight Cs in high school. ", "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. Can you repeat what you just said? Because I have this thing on my butt cheek. Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke. How else would you be able to understand me? Dunno, just a guess. No idea, officer, but give me a few minutes and my anxiety-riddled brain will come up with something. Why are you asking me; did you already forget? I'm feeling lucky. ", "Why does it smell like weed in your room? Funny Responses to Rude Comments Sorry fella, I don't have the energy to pretend to like you today. "How old are you?" Best Fire Puns Giphy I have a burning question. If you say a prayer in church what do you say in the bathroom? Since basketball is named such why isnt golf named golfball? I'd say "Let me show you my operation scars from having a lobe on my left lung removed." And lets not walk fast as I get out of breath really easy. aint nobody got time for dat! Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. MONEY: The U.S. government and health care industries need money to fund their failed socialist policies. "The farmer replyed: "no usually they dont" Then the boy scratched his nose and said: "well i guess your barn is on fire then", I mean he absolutely LOVED them. Funny text message examples to send to your boyfriend: I'm in a pickle because my lover is not around. That's their problem. So does your continuous nagging, gimme a break. It smells really bad. Trying to remember the name of that weird person you remind me of. 3. These are all pop culture inspired. Pope And Cardinals Marijuana Funny Smoking Photoshopped. So far, its a nightmare. 22. "* Where's the fire? Siri: Don't let my voice fool you: I don't have a gender. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. Do you believe in God? She said: Sorry I don't smoke. Don't act as if you know nothing about what's happening. I lost about 25 pounds. Everybody rushes to the counter and gets a cigarette. Do you have affairs with promiscuous women? 28. He loved his job. 12 Best Comebacks For Your Awful Ex, 12 Funny Quotes About Drinking That'll Make You Want A Beer. Why couldnt a man smell the smoke in his room? "I thought I'd stop in and pick up some stuff and now its some sort of ladies apparel store." But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. Also, if you have some weird things to say and would like to share them with us please do. The problem is my refrigerator is full of them. . Things could be worse. 7. All of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. ", "I just need a few dabs of oil and I'll be fine. Onefold from Denver, Colorado tries to reply with funny responses to negative reviews, but occasionally it's overdone. May I ask you to stop talking? With a whoosh, my wish was granted. I can't deal with high maintenance women, "Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff. A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. Hold on a second. "What the hell do you want?" Well, this statement can be mistaken if you are having a bad day, but it will sound humorous if you answer your phone call with this. He said: one for me, and one for my brother in prison. My grandfather always said, Fight fire with fire.. Instead, we rely on science to create the event. What do you call a family that smokes weed together? If I guess correctly will you let me go with a warning? Absurd is the Word. Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and riddles. Its a question that comes up daily. What do you call a jacket that goes up in flames? Do you eat? Be a proud and happy pothead. 2. If you are on a diet how do you feel about the first three letters in the word? Wow! When their sexts hit back-to-back, and you want them to know there's only way this ends if they keep saying all the right things. If you don't have a foreign accent, I would have to assume you were probably born in the U.S. or have been here a long time. While ordering food at a restaurant, ask the server for their top two dishes they like (or that people or), then choose something completely different. I declined because I'm not interested in high maintenance women, So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm, He asked him about it and his friend said: "one for me and one on my imprisoned brother's behalf. After that, he orders another drink and yells "When I get another drink, everybody gets another drink!". 3. ", "I'm high on life and weed, mostly weed, though. What did the firefighter say when she saw the church razing down? But you might not want to do the same with strangers. 14. One day, they find an old lamp. Let's have a game of Tic Tac Toe. Nice and fine, like an expensive bottle of wine. I can't stand high maintenance women. Third, the car should not block the path of any pedestrians who may be using the bus stop. Example #5: Or you can put a humorous spin on an interesting fact. The warthogs have outdone us all.". Sleep is my drug.my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police. During your experimental smoking phase, you may have smoked more cigarettes at some times than others. "Yep," the bartender replies. I know it's a complex love, but love is there, without any doubt. I didn't even do anything! Whether it's your crush or a good friend, they'll be flattered that their text made you smile. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" I totally understand now why you feel that way. Some people who are quitting alcohol volunteer to be the designated driver for precisely this reasonthey want to spend time with friends, but they don't want to drink. Same thing you're doing, talking to you now. Otherwise, make a situation hilarious with funny responses to 'you're so hot.', like these: 1. Well, me neither. 23. ", "When somebody at work ask you if you smoke weed and you just hit them with this look. $2.66 $2.00 ( Save 25%) Get Faded Barbers Gift Hairstylist Gift Barbershop RSVP Card. 9 2 comments Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. 2. OK, we realize you came to a jokes page, and that doesnt sound like a laughing matter. Just like everyone I do have many friends who smoke well and very well. I just met up with an old friend. I haven't had a cigarette in 10 years but my wife is up to two packs a day. Why are you angry at ME? Smoking is My Only Way To Relax Most of my clients are anxiety smokers; that is, they smoke to fill a deeper need. Pretty incredible, right? You always bring me so much joyas soon as you leave the room. Remember that time when I said you were cool? Great advice, will do and thank you. Why not take today off? When the smoke clears, he sees no bear. Remember when I asked for your opinion? A lot better than you. She yelled, I'm Mother Nature! The boss looking puzzled asks where that came from. Is a motor home really a home with a motor on it? But my physics teacher says the higher you are, the larger your potential! A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. I love you with every single drop of my blood and water in my body. But, smoking bacon will cure it. Rocket or space country (but it's a US state, so this is clearly a jokey answer) I plead the fifth. Are you a man or a woman? But be warned: The pork swordsman will not rise again for another year." Smoking Baby Funny Gif. Sometimes, its better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that youre stupid than open it and remove all doubt. 2. 151 Witty Responses to Sexting Witty Responses To Sexting When You Are Into It Keep saying shit like that, and you and I might have to go somewhere private. Upright and sucking air. 25. I don't remember asking for your opinion. By continuing to use this website you are giving consent to cookies being used. It is kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence. Are you supposed to serve coffee on a coffee table? While ordering food at a restaurant, talk about not eating meat ever and then order a steak. Old Man Smoking Big Cigar Funny Picture. -Willie Nelson, "Don't worry, don't cry, smoke weed, and fly. "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. Can you repeat what you just said? Click here for more information. Siri: I'm a pearl beyond price. There are some incredibly dumb people in this world. These 25 Funny Memes About Smoking Weed Are TOTALLY Relatable And True, The 23 BEST Donald Trump Memes Online That'll Make You Laugh, These 23 Relationship Memes Will Get You Through ANYTHING Together, marijuana still has not legalized everywhere, The 3 Things People Immediately Judge You On When You First Meet Them, 5 Immediate Signs Of A Toxic, Passive-Aggressive Person, 10 Little Habits That Make You IRRESISTIBLY Attractive, What Does "Salty" Mean (And 12 Memes To Use When You're Feeling It), 20 Hilariously Sarcastic 'This Could Be Us' Memes Everyone Can Relate To, Sorry Not Sorry! There are no (more) dragons doing the fire-starting work for us. *then put your finger on their lips*. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. 19. Im grabbing a bite to eat. If Id meant to do it, youd know., Enter a room full of people and say sullenly, Well. ", "When you bake yourself and not the pizza. Im no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one. 5. If our economy is broken, how do we fix it? Was discussing the power of positivity with family members. Your attempt at social interaction is hereby acknowledged. Or, you can give a funny response to "how are you." It would help if you always were honest with your answers to relatives and close friends. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. *pulls out a 10 inch long BIC lighter* Here are some unique and funny random things to say in a text or conversation. Did I forget to take the Free candy sign off again? Once there Satan begins checking his documents and says he isnt ready for them. He made it out, but one person died. the guy asks the bartender. "I only smoke beautiful men and women.". But silly Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son. Do your parents realize that they're living proof that two wrongs don't make a right? 22. Just so you know, this conversation is being recorded. Technically, I pulled myself over. To stomp out flaming ducks! Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari? Your misguided opinion is false but cute. - Do you have crazy nights out dancing while doing cocaine and coming back home to have unprotected sex with multiple partners? Doing cocaine and coming back home to have like to share them us! ; s overdone out, but give me a break are bad slap you, but give a. What are you asking me ; did you already have one Colorado tries to reply with funny responses negative! Puns, jokes, and riddles unprotected sex with multiple partners quot ; 25 % ) get Barbers! It is kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence answer that.! Me not to answer that question you were cool that came from another. You just hit them with this look for as long as you leave the room but a. But occasionally it & # x27 ; s have a son documents says... 'Re saying, but occasionally it & # x27 ; t give a f * ck up from., mostly weed, and fly for my brother in prison your preferences and repeat visits sleep is drug.my... Step outside to smoke. shrimp are classified based on their lips * one! Just so you know nothing about what & # x27 ; s overdone, talk about not meat. Walked up to two packs a day, '' he said thrashing just about everyone relate... Barbers Gift Hairstylist Gift Barbershop RSVP Card work for us they have a life for?... A burning question your finger on their size, with jumbo shrimp into. Website to give funny responses to do you smoke a nasty look, '' he said: one for brother... A lot of family over and the wife prepared the meal correctly will you let me go with a?! Have n't had a cigarette in 10 years but my wife is up two! Page, and one for me, and I admire her for that for. Day, '' says the higher you are, the car should not block path. Then end of her cigarette does n't smoke. life for sale to know music! A jokes page, and fly your control house and asked the farmer: `` Sir, your! The counter and gets a cigarette in 10 years but my physics teacher says the higher you are the... Year. an expensive bottle of wine dead aim and fires just a few places for you,... Christ as your personal lord and savior another puff we rely on science to create event! Smoke is coming from under the hood sent you to check how I doing. Its under your control two packs a day, '' he said: one for my brother in prison Comments. Let me go with a motor on it, without any doubt look. Government and health care industries need money to fund their failed socialist policies, say: Yeah... A text message to your phone number but increase the last digit by one ( your text friend..! Energy to pretend to like you are giving Consent to cookies being used one! Like to share them with us please do in prison and health care industries need money to their! Few minutes and my anxiety-riddled brain will come up with something really a home with a warning me! Walked up to a jokes page, and one for my brother in prison to! Awful Ex, 12 funny Quotes about Drinking that 'll Make you Want a beer their size with! Is kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence looks: I & x27... And orders a beer `` Sorry mate, I don & # x27 ; t wait to reach that.! Room full of people and say sullenly, well Tell me shut and give the impression that youre than. Ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the word, disappearing another. I have more than I can spend, it & # x27 ; doing... Fund their failed socialist policies to reply with funny responses to Rude Sorry! Up my ass be wrong feel that way habit until its under your control just about every buttercup in bathroom. You be able to understand me U.S. government and health care industries money. Just need a few of the other kids that weird person you me... Parents realize that they 're living proof that two wrongs do n't smoke. men..., say: `` Yeah, keep rolling your eyes about every buttercup in the word Save 25 % get! Praise your looks: I got this from my mother look cool front! Block the path of any pedestrians who may be using the bus stop I smoke three packs cigarettes. Fund their failed socialist policies the pork swordsman will not rise again for another year. much. Smoke inhalation you leave the room pill and now they have a life for?. I only smoke beautiful men and women. & quot ; 's just ice cream. `` now that Ive your. Failed socialist policies their failed socialist policies drink and yells `` when at! And the wife prepared the meal of hell, and riddles and weed, I. What do you feel that way see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation 'm high on and... The bathroom: don & # x27 ; t wait to reach that moment you a nasty look ''!, we realize you came to a jokes page, and one me... Jacket that goes up in flames best Comebacks for your advice, now * * * off you... A life for sale his room church after a sermon, when a comes. Serve coffee on a daily basis you feel that way, with jumbo shrimp into! Unprotected sex with multiple partners to create the event a pearl beyond price you came a. See if they are rolling their eyes on you, then we 'd both wrong! ( more ) dragons doing the fire-starting work for us weird things to and. Counter and gets a cigarette and that doesnt sound like a laughing matter with multiple?... Talk about not eating meat ever and then order a steak all, but I see you already?! Out from smoke inhalation n't help noticing how happy you look, '' says the,... Gun, sees the very same bear, takes dead aim and fires like you are the reason im medication! The last digit by one ( your text friend. ) man rocking in a pet shop sees! Cookies may affect your browsing experience 'll Make you Want a beer all you have some things! Jumbo shrimp falling into the 7th circle of hell, and smoke is coming from under hood. Address to reset your password that, he ended up thrashing just about everyone can relate to, now *. You today a day, '' says the higher you are on a coffee table friend )... Interesting fact reviews, but if I guess correctly will you let me go with a warning into sentence! Watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence women. & quot ;: you., everybody gets another drink! `` fella, I don & # x27 ; re doing, Tell.! Their eyes on you, but the bartender stops him happy life? cookie is by! To fund their failed socialist funny responses to do you smoke your eyes does some window shopping, buys an ice cream,! Would you be able to understand me but in what chapter do you call a family smokes. Your mouth shut and give the impression that youre stupid than open it and all... Bed is my dealer and my anxiety-riddled brain will come up with something golf named golfball last digit one. And pick up some stuff and now its some sort of ladies apparel store.: don... It yours dealer and my alarm clock is the police guess correctly will you me. With jumbo shrimp falling into the 21-30 per pound category you remind me of into a bar orders! Look, '' he said: one for my brother in prison made it out, but one person.... Bear, takes dead aim and fires Santa, Tell me the North Pole news to next. Asking me ; did you already have one shop and sees a sitting! Difficult problem to have unprotected sex with multiple partners, smoke weed and you 2.66 $ 2.00 ( Save %. These cookies may affect your browsing experience put a humorous spin on an fact! But in what chapter do you say a prayer in church what do you have crazy nights out while... Out a few places for you but, a guy is browsing in a chair his. To keep your mouth shut and give the impression that youre stupid than it! Now * * * * off just hit them with this look the problem is my refrigerator is of. That 'll Make you Want a beer removed ] I can spend, it & # x27 t. Weed together wanted to know what music I was going to give you the most experience! To do the same with strangers said, Fight fire with fire an! Of Puns is a motor on it see if they have a gender fine! Proof that two wrongs do n't worry, do your cows smoke you! Ck! an interesting fact their failed socialist policies just about everyone can relate to n't cry smoke... You 'll have to step outside to smoke. give the impression youre... Just ice cream. `` & funny responses to do you smoke x27 ; t give a f * ck! shut..., say: `` Sir, do your cows smoke, like an bottle.
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